Struggling and sworn to secrecy

My father-in-law “John” has a historical past of being a womanizer and has handled my mother-in-law “Jane” with fixed disrespect, which has manifested itself in verbal and psychological abuse over time. John comes throughout to individuals exterior of our household as a fun-loving man who’s all the time the lifetime of the get together, when in actuality, that’s the complete reverse of what individuals near him see.

I am unable to keep in mind the final time that John mentioned a form phrase to my mother-in-law, and it actually makes me unhappy that she has lived her life in such a depressing marriage. I imagine that they’ve stayed collectively for thus lengthy as a result of they’ve developed a profitable enterprise that neither of them want to see dissolved within the identify of divorce.

It’s common information in our household that my father-in-law has been untrue at instances all through their marriage, however I’ve lately change into conscious of a state of affairs that’s burning a gap in my coronary heart. At a get-together, I overheard a dialog through which John was sharing a narrative with considered one of his longtime mates about having intercourse with a lady who has been a part of their enterprise neighborhood for many years.

The a part of the story that I can not get out of my thoughts just isn’t the graphic description of the act itself, however the truth that he began the story with the 12 months that it occurred; it was the 12 months that my spouse was born! I used to be so floored that I could not communicate, and I simply continued to hear as he bragged about this occasion to his buddy.

I do not know whether or not this occurred when Jane was pregnant or when my spouse was a new child, however understanding this info has devastated me emotionally. What sort of man does one thing like that? I really feel sick that I now am burdened with this info. I simply cannot wrap my thoughts round why he would even share such a narrative of adultery in such appalling element after so a few years. Clearly, he is happy with his conquest, even in spite of everything this time, which I discover particularly shameful.

My query to you is, what ought to I do with this info? I can not proceed to maintain this to myself as a result of the nervousness it has triggered me is overwhelming. I actually really feel that I must let John know that I’m aware of his little secret, however I am unsure deliver it up. — Anguished by Adultery

Pricey Anguished: You are proper; this man is an actual jerk. If his infidelity actually is frequent information, then I doubt telling your spouse or your mother-in-law of this new discovery will do anybody any good. They’re in all probability properly conscious of his dishonest.

The broader concern of your mother-in-law being in an abusive marriage, nonetheless, is one thing value addressing. In case your spouse is in your aspect, I’d encourage her to speak to her mom about looking for skilled assist — to guard each her psychological well being, by seeing a therapist, and her authorized belongings within the case of a divorce, by seeing a lawyer.

In case your spouse doesn’t see what you see, then strategy your mother-in-law your self, when she is alone and in a secure place, away from her husband. Inform her that you simply love her and that it isn’t too late for her to search out happiness with somebody who respects her.

You must also search the assistance of a therapist on your personal profit. That ought to assist relieve you of the overwhelming nervousness of holding this secret.